seriously, i dont know how long i can hold on.. i got a feeling i am going to break down anytime seriously.. second time my heart totally breaks.. all thanks to the forfeit of de coder's cafe.. it nearly happened.. it nearly breaks my heart totally.. but the words are powerful enough to break me up into pieces.. dont know why i am so fragile.. why am i even putting up a strong front? i know in this world, i am more fortunate than a lot of people.. that's why i dont really complain about stuff. maybe i fall too deep.. the deeper it goes, the feeling of pain is greater.. i better have an adjustment to my emotions and everything.. cos i wanna welcome my adulthood happily.

we didnt start out easily. we've been through some thick and thin. it's not easy for us to have been together till now.. you are so dear to me.. takes two hand to clap.. we are in the midst of the race.. we must complete it successfully, beautifully okay?

where have i been to? i spent almost all the time with him these few days. tuesday night, i cooked dinner for him. 1) black soya sauce chicken with ginger slice, 2) australia lettuce / cabbage with prawn and 3) black bean soup for him.. wednesday after i woke up, i cooked lunch for him - my chinese style spaghetti. guess it sucked cos i put tomato sauce. but i cooked better with homemade tomato sauce! we went causeway for a walk and had so much fun with the soft toys. i love ee-yore (: we went to cold storage to get some groceries and i saw serene! haha. so glad (: went back and cooked dinner. 1) steamed meat with the preserved veg, 2) broccoli with vegetarian luo han and 3) yong tau foo with soya bean soup. (:

hoho~ i basically enjoyed cooking with and for him.. guess what? we did 3 things at the same time! it was like what we had been doing in the past. 1) we went to buy the rice and we got exactly the same brand! 2) we did the same facial expression together at the same time. 3) we thought of going out for a walk at the same time!

this morning (thursday), i went to the bakery after sending him off. i was doing the chocolate sponge cake with blueberry jam. seriously, i was afraid the cake taste weird and i scared it doesnt looks presentable. rush and rush. hehe. met juliana and chuensiong at botak jones. after that, he came and went to de coder's cafe. the staff there are quite friendly but seriously, the forfeits pissed me off. made my day down.. then i brought out the cake i made and my dear sister was shocked. haha. hais.. end off the day with a small chat with him..

when he left, the pain in the heart came.. the feeling came back again.. cant bear to see him leave.. hais.. different circumstances now.. hard to explain.. very torturing.. i wish i could spend my time as much with him like the past.. but i know.. impossible le.. cos, we have a future to work on.. please take away my pain..