emo angie 2:17 AM
Saturday, December 27, 2008 ♥
am feeling a bit better now. well, i think, i know why i had been unhappy. 1) i have a lot of emotional burdens with me. as some of you know that since young, i had been suffering mentally due to family problems and since sec three, i had been really down due to financial problems because dad was retrenched. well, that incident turned me into a more independent angie but little do people know that the stress is building up within me. and actually, there are problems going on between my parents. that explains why i used to have phobias in relationships and even marriage.
2) as i grew up, i've seen how cruel the real world is. friendships broken up, and i even lose some friends, for good. but anyway, as i said, if i decided to give up on a relationship with friends, i will never turn back. because i know, unless the friend had hurt me to the extreme, if not, i will really forgive and really forget. ask the person, how many times i had forgiven her. ask her how many lies she told me. ask her what had she done. but it doesnt matter. since i made the decision almost 5 years back, i will never turn back. okays. i know it's too early to speculate. i might just be soft hearted and give in. but, for the time being, i shall say no. i will not let myself get hurt by her again.
3) as i am being exposed to the real world. the first challenge was when i am in venus beauty. i was all alone facing those complete strangers. i have to admit that there are some nice people there. but i have to say that the people who bullied and even teased my chinese name, just fuck off. i am no longer the her who just stand there and not retaliate. in case you guys dont know, my chinese name is 乐思。the people there will say, 快乐到死掉. i know it's nothing to some of you. but i just dont like it when people tease my name in a wrong way. (in this case, i hate the word, 死. there is also another incident but i dont wish to mention much. i am just glad that i left that place within 2 days and never turn back again. the person really made me so upset that i cried during the last 2 days of 2005.
as i successfully got into K Box till now. i've seen how people had backstabbed each other. and no doubt, a lot of people are pinning high hopes in me. they expect me to lead at times, expect me to push a lot of side orders. anyway, i am tired of all these. as what people love to say, i am just a part timer. isnt it unfair when i am ordered to do stuff you guys dont like to do? fine. even if you did not order me to do it, you ordered the newbies to do it. i mean, yes, they learnt. but as time goes by, do you think this is what they deserve only?
4) ever since i got into NORMAL ACADEMIC STREAM, i was extremely demoralized because the man who said he will never look down on me even if i got into NA, actually doesnt mean what he had said in his heart. one day, he said that i was not hardworking and it was such a letdown that i got into NA stream. at that moment, i wonder. do you guys know anything? i lost a dear friend during that period. a very best friend of mine. do you know how depressed i am to witness the process of losing her?
people around me looked down on me especially some of the neighbours. i was wondering, why do parents love to use their children's result as a comparison in how bright the child is? bullshit right. poor children suffer due to comparisons. i do not even care whether i do well or not when i was in sec one and two. until one day, someone came into my life, made a difference in my mentality. (: its you, MS SHARON YEE. she motivated me and i score extremely well. since then, i had been doing very well. i am proud of my results especially N and O Levels. and i strived all the way just to get into TP.
motivation was lost and i once told myself, i dont even bother to go university. and till now, i know, i did regret. because i know school days are just the best. i dont know whether i am going to university for the sake of studying or just to delay time. anyway, it doesnt matter if i am going into university. because i have to face the reality sooner or later. and now, freaking projects are piling. the most projects i ever had. and since internship, i had been very stressed up till now. from march till now. i dont know how i survive.
my emotions went up and down like a roller coaster and i know, the one who suffered most is him. and adding on, my niece is at home. so, as she cried, i feel very irritated. guess, i am down with mild depression. been down with depression after my O levels. i dont want it to happen again. but i did experience once during august this year. i dreamt of ebi fry walking, dreamt of me pushing those stupid photos and even jugs of beer. oh my god.
yeah. this is a long entry and my sincere apologies if i bore you all to the max. i am not trying to gain any sympathy. you all know i dont like sympathy but the care from the bottom of heart. i know there's a lot of people who cares.. but thanks.
i only know, by typing this post, i am confessing why i had been unhappy and i am trying to let the emotion burden off. with loves, angie promise that 2009 shall be a new start. and dear qing ai de, if you happen to read this, i hope happiness is all yours. (:
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emo angie 2:00 AM
Thursday, December 25, 2008 ♥
why is this christmas so saddening? why do i appear to be so happy even if i am depressed? and, i dont need any sympathy. because, sometimes, when i need someone.. the someone is not there at all. but when i am used to be alone, people came. isnt it too late? something is not right in me. i know myself the most.
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emo angie 6:00 PM
all i want for christmas is YOU
Wednesday, December 24, 2008 ♥
yesterday, i was the matchmaker. wahaha. i personally think that the session was great. anyway, haha. it wasnt really a matchmaking session. it was just a meet up between me, juliana and huicheng. i dont know why i love using the name howard recently. but it made me laughed all the way. after dinner at clementi, headed to jurong point with her and i bought two pairs of shoes! loves. we were reminicsing the secondary school days. it is still the best. wahahha. it was the time i had so much fun, i am so active. unlike in poly, i am not active at all. haha.
anyway, singapore flyers is closed until further notice! hoho~i dont think i will ever go on singapore flyers. imagine me stucking up there for hours =x rot. show luo's new album is coming out soon! woohoo~ anticipating. i love his songs so much. he rocks. (: anyway, christmas is just less than 16.5 hours! have fun people. wishing you guys a merry christmas (: all i want for christmas is YOU
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emo angie 6:46 PM
outdated post for december
Tuesday, December 23, 2008 ♥
it's time for proper blogging. outdated pictures and post.
02 DECEMBER 2008
lunch at top table with ashley, michelle, peixin, tingting, wenhui and winnie. lunch was okay. a bit disappointing. well, i forgot the names of my dish.
1) it was a crabmeat cake appetizer. i chose it over the potato and leek soup anyway, and since the assistant headwaiter recommend me that, i shall try it. there was a strong "fishy" smell in it. i gave it a rating of 6/10.
2) it was a seafood bouillabaisse. it was my choice because i have no choice. lols. the other dish was veal and due to religion restrictions, i have to give it a miss. anyway, the seafood bouillabaisse has chunks of salmon, lots of shredded onions, scallops, prawns and a slice of baguette with a sauce on it. i forgot what it was but it somehow was like a pepper coulis or something saucy. anyway, it was too much and i think the sauce suck! and the salmon doesnt seem to be fresh. gave it 5/10 only.
3) the dessert was raspberry cake or something. it was so SOUR but i love it. haha. i gave it 7/10 for it.
14 DECEMBER 2008
didnt have much appetite but went to new york new york. the service was slow and the food sucks. no fish and chip and pasta on that day. he ordered latino chicken chop and the mussels while i ordered the caesar salad. let me tell you. the caesar salad was bad and i ate a little bit only.
went to taman jurong partyworld. rocks! it was a long time since i sang. woohoo. dinner at winnie's stall (eh, winnie, the auntie lah. winnie po meiting :p) haha. it was quite good. had the usuals, stingray, sweet and sour spareribs, cereal prawns and the stir fried kailan and mushroom slice with oyster sauce.
21 DECEMBER 2008
it was lerk thai at expo with winnie. nothing much. anyway, rebonded my hair again. the last one was less than 3 months ago. i wasnt very satisfied and so, i went for another one. i had a cut on my fringe and also the hair. feels so good. :) but fringe still not good :( haha.
anyway, stupid polident advertisment make all of us LOL. dots. haha. so stupid. but i like it. doink. some random pictures. my comfort food now, milk milk with coco crunch. and also, the christmas tree made of bears (: ONE MORE THING. SO UNFAIR! they provide shuttle bus service for ngee ann poly students from tampines interchange. ARGH! so nice of them! why dont they offer shuttle bus service for temasek poly students from jurong east interchange ):
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emo angie 12:14 AM
ridiculous service provider
Saturday, December 20, 2008 ♥
is this a joke or what? i think my handphone service provider is playing a fool with me. my handphone bills went up to 100 and above after i changed my SIM card to 3G SIM. and you know what? after calls, my bill went back to 50plus dollars. i mean, student plans are supposed to be cheaper right? i dont understand why my bill can go up to 100 and above and now, it's 50plus. and i swear, the amount of sms-es and call times are similar every month. (i have 1000 free sms-es and my incoming call is free) this is ridiculous right? i think i should consider switching.
in the process of recovering. it's 0400hours for god's sake. i have to wake up at 0800hours! catering menu is finally, out.
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emo angie 4:01 AM
when life gets in your way
Friday, December 19, 2008 ♥
maybe, i am too much of a perfectionist. you know why? i cant take it when people maligned me or my friends, i cant take it when people dont bear the responsibility of what they did (example, not clearing the mess they made and treating people like maids to clear it for them). and i came across rabbit's blog, i saw his post regarding the giving up of seats for those who needs it more than us. sometimes, i can get really frustrated about this. selfish is the word i could describe them and i know there are really many kind souls who do give up seats. but, i hate the fact that people are abusing the words, "priority seats". people assumed that only those who are seated at priority seats need to give up their seats. i mean, c'mon lah. this is BS. just put yourself in people's shoes. one day, you will grow old. one day, you will be pregnant (for most of the ladies). WHY CANT YOU JUST BE MORE CONSIDERATE. okay. cool down. i shall not mention much. mentioning this over and over again cant just the mentality of people. i mean, the little acts (giving up seats) could actually light up my life. i dont know why though it sounds stupid. okays. i know i am sometimes. lol.
i saw a lot of people just now (: genhao, andy, adelyn, evan, purpur, gary, lifang, nelson, guorong. wahaha. anyway, happy birthday to my dear poke poke, evan (:
miss poke is off for more project work and loves (:
Labels: friends, life, love
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emo angie 2:44 AM
Tuesday, December 16, 2008 ♥
rotting in the library now, waiting for someone to knock off from work actually. i am so grumpy today. getting more and more restless actually. for one fact, i havent been sleeping well, and yes, i did not sleep last night. the 15 minutes nap on the mrt (standing) was my energy booster. project meeting in school. came all the way to school for nothing much. the only thing i know is. shimin, shuni and i were talking all the way from TP to boonlay. haha. didnt know we have so much to share. anyway, i guess i was really down on my luck. i had been encountering train faults within these years. not kidding ok. it freaked me out and today, i took 1-1/2 hours to reach jurong point from tampines (usual was 52 minutes only). thanks to the train fault.
blog hopping. came to a blog which i thought was gone. glad that he is looking good and i hereby wish him all the best (:
i am heading down to expo tomorrow which is like, so far away from home. shucks. i have got 10 projects to complete! my brain is dead now. christmas is around the corner. WHY DONT I FEEL THE FESTIVE JOY? guess, the school has to bear a huge responsibility. got him a christmas present and seems that he was so excited because he had it by his side now! anyway, off i go peeps. i guess, i need a rejuvenation again. i am going to sleep well tonight! cheers people.
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emo angie 6:19 PM
the thinking and philosophy
Friday, December 12, 2008 ♥
when will my project come to an end? (actually soon since i am graduating) anyway, i met a lot of interesting people who adds on different colors to my life. good and bad actually.
sometimes i wonder. how the hell those companies selling investment plans got my number? anyway, now i know. people, be careful when you fill up survey forms on streets. you will never know if these information will be given to third parties. i rejected filling up of survey forms like since early this year. in fact, i am very pissed off. i am often targeted by prudential, seriously. i know they are earning a living and it is part of their job scope to get our datas. but obviously, some are just trying to fulfill the "quota" for the sake and when i told them i had filled up like countless times, they told me, "eh, it's ok lah. just fill up for me." the most frustrating thing is, i am really rushing for school some times, and they still force me to do it. i really find them a pain of the neck at times. fine. recently, i had been receiving calls from alien companies. yesterday, i received one and the lady request for a meet up about investment plans. when i told her i am not interested, she asked me why (in a rude manner). i was quite pissed and actually i want to tell her it's none of her business. i replied, "I AM NOT INTERESTED IN ANY THING FOR THE TIME BEING." haha. whatever. i hate it when they asked why. i mean, if you want to ask, do it in a tactful way and not, WHY?!
projects are flooding me ): 9 projects! where am i heading after TP? frankly speaking, i think i will be working. i seriously have no confidence in myself in getting to university. well, if i can, i should be going for it.
Labels: life, people, studies
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emo angie 6:58 PM
Thursday, December 11, 2008 ♥
randoms before i am in my lala land. obvious that miss angie is lazy to update nowadays. busy with working and projects as usual. not forgetting, indulging myself in fun games like chocolatier! (: well, i am heading to school later but yet i am still not asleep. *tsk tsk. work over these days were not fine at all. in fact, nothing can replace jurong kbox.
hopping around from blog to blog. came to see some entries of juliana. i just realised that i've only touched 3 dogs in my entire 20 years on earth. 1) cookie, 2) nacho; nana and 3) candy. in fact, candy was the first dog which i kissed. (forced to kiss it by her dear mummie, adelyn). anyway, her post inspired me to really head down to kopitiam of clementi for food hunting. i only had botak jones once which is at boon lay but the food wasnt as good. BUT i think i ate at botak jones (clementi outlet) and the fish and chip was superb. well. doesnt matter. (: i worked at the area there but all i always had for lunch was VERY SIMPLE AND QUICK like chicken rice. what do you expect for a short lunch during operation?
anyway, ciaos. loves.
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emo angie 4:07 AM
Saturday, December 6, 2008 ♥
i just finished my mid semester test and i felt so relieved. haha. the air smells so nice and refreshing. after days of torturing, it finally came to an end. phew* i am ON CLOUD NINE! wee! but, projects ): hee. i need to go people. :D more updates on my adventures at suntec mac donalds. :D
Labels: random, test
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emo angie 11:54 AM
Monday, December 1, 2008 ♥
i am so sick ): i hate it ): and i am having hell loads of test.
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emo angie 2:52 PM
my desires 2011
to healthier miss angie
slim down xD
attain my driving license
master swimming skills
draw out new business plan
revise current business plan
study new skills at WDA
it was a struggle, struggling year for us. i will never forget who brought me up. and that is my family. mum, you had been so great. i am sorry that i havent been a very good daughter to you. i love you so much. dad, thank you for raising me up. it pains me to see the struggles you are going through now. but still, i will not give you up.
my dear boy, in my journey with you, you taught me so much things, walk with me, have fun with me. two plus years back, i said, i found someone who makes me feel like a girl, a woman, someone who is like a friend, buddy, boyfriend, husband and soulmate of mine. now, i still hold on to what i say. you are always so sweet and nice. i am really glad that we had chosen the path and that is to walk together.
hey da gui & er gui, it's wonderful knowing you guys. cheers to our friendship, 5 years! though we had ups & downs in our route, but no matter what, i really hope this friendship goes on even as we grow older. thank you girls for giving me encouragements, helps. though we seldom meet, talk, i truly appreciate you people. cheers to our friendship :)
juliana, lishing & qiufeng
i will never forget the few people whom i know during my secondary adventures. juliana, i am glad with what you are achieving now. it's really fortunate to be still living in the same place with you. not like lishing, whom is still in taiwan and qiufeng, in USA but uncontactable.
lishing, my dear sister. you had been wanting to come back to singapore, but dont fret. we will wait for you.. though days spent with you are short, and most of the days are based on letters and emails, i really cherish it as it is not easy to maintain a relationship like this.
qiufeng, i saw your family back.. but it's really sad not to see you back. i wonder how you are doing, i wonder where you are. i never forget the day where we part at changi airport. i miss you, your laughters.
hey love, it's been 10 years since you left the world. how are you doing up there? it was really a big loss for me. but now, i have done you proud. i miss you girlie. i am doing fine. i hope you are. i will continue to move on with my life. and you are always in my heart.
hey guys, you know who you guys are. there's a particular 2 person i wish to mention here though you guys dont read my blog. huifen and norh. thanks for the protection, the care for me. huifen, you know? you are just like the friend i had lost almost 10 years. it was a gift for me from the god. norh, thank you so much concerns, sms-es, calls. i am really glad to have you by my side. it was crazy with you. we can laugh, talk serious, anything under the sun. i am so impressed and proud of you. :)